Say, how do ya like that $5 a gallon gas, citizen? Stop complaining: you knew this was the plan all along!

Say, citizen, how do ya like that sweet, sweet $5 per gallon gasoline, eh?

Oh sure, if you're one o' those deplorables who's dumb enough to live out in the country instead of in one of our die-verse, culturally rich Democrat urban paradises you're probably paying more, but that's entirely your own fault for not living in a city with great public transit.  

All of us who live in one of our die-verse Democrat urban paradises are thrilled--because having every possible store so close, we rarely have to buy gas.  But mainly because back during the campaign before the 2020 election our Dear Leader promised us he'd make it impossible for those awful oil companies (shudder!) to drill, "period."  Here's the clip from the Democrat presidential debate: 

Did you catch that?  "No more subsidies for the fossil fuel industry. No more drilling on federal lands, including offshore," he said.  "No ability for the oil industry to continue to drill, period. It ends."

So this was his announced plan all along.  He couldn't have been more clear.  And now that he's done exactly what he promised, you should be grateful!  Using his great leadership skill and ability to communicate complex problems clearly, he had the foresight to essentially end drilling in the U.S. Because unlike Rethuglicans, our president listens to The Science!  Which says the world will end in 12 years due to global warming excuse me...climate change unless he takes heroic action.

(So if we're still here in 13 years it's ONLY because of his leadership, and that of the Democrat Party!)

And of course he knew this would cause the price of gasoline to go way up.  "Law of supply and demand," right?  Every American knows all about that--including you--and you still voted for us, so you must have supported his promise to kill drilling, eh?  "No ability for the oil industry to continue to drill, period."  He couldn't have been more clear.

So you can't possibly be complaining!  Plus, if you really must drive, you can always buy one of those faaabulous electric cars.  In fact this fall the automakers are all chipping in to give an EV to every congressman excuse me, "congressperson"and cabinet secretary.  Isn't that great?

No, we won't have to pay for it.  And no, that's not illegal because our Leadership will be introducing a bill called the "Green Energy by Example Act"that will waive gift limits for this clever example of leadership to get more Americans to go green.

So tell your local TV stations and newspapers that you're tired of seeing stories about high gas prices portrayed as if it was a bad thing.  Actually it was the plan all along, and it's a good thing, and that should be their spin on it from now on.  Got it?

Now let's look at the price of groceries.  You may think the rising price of groceries was an accident, and you might possibly be upset about that.  But as you know, most Americans are a few pounds overweight.  Our Dear Leader wants you to be healthy, so what better way than to get you to eat less than letting the price of food go up a bit?

See?  This is all basic freshman econ at Hahvahd. 

So here's our brilliant president three days ago, modestly acknowledging that the oil companies are NOT drilling.  But since our president is modest, he notes they haven't stopped drilling because he made it impossible, as he promised, but because...um...take a look:

One thing I want to say about the oil companies: They talk about how we have — they have 9,000 permits to drill.  They’re not drilling.  Why aren’t they drilling?  Because they make more money not producing more oil. 

Now unless you went to an Ivy League school that last part might puzzle you:  Oil is selling at an all-time high, so you'd think the oil companies would make more money by selling MORE oil, eh?  A few Rethuglican critics claim our Dear Leader was just having another "senior moment," but he was really right on the money.  See, by not producing more oil, they can't sell more oil, so they change to some other business plan that makes even MORE money--like, say, pharmaceuticals.  So it was very logical.