Tuesday, October 4

Clinton proposes new program to keep poor students from suffering from math anxiety

Washington (Reuters)-- Today Clinton campaign manager Robbie Mook announced an "exciting new initiative" that would "remove the systemic social bias" against people with "less formal education" in the U.S.

In a press conference before boarding the campaign plane Mook explained "Secretary Clinton and others have observed that many students who haven't been able to attend our fine public schools every day because of police violence or gunfire from any of the tens of millions of illegal assault weapons owned by right-wing fascists simply haven't had the chance to learn the same amount of math as privileged white children."

"Secretary Clinton realizes this is fundamentally unfair, since these children--through no fault of theirs--haven't been able to attend our fine schools regularly.  Such children are often teased for not knowing how to find, say, 12 times 8.  This damages their self-esteem.  Of course you all know how determined Secretary Clinton is to put an end to unfairness and income inequality, so she has proposed a program--to be implemented in our schools by excellent union teachers--to teach white students and teachers not to insist that math problems only have one right answer."

"This exciting new program builds on the huge success of the wonderful Common Core curriculum, which has made a huge difference in math proficiency in our excellent schools.  In fact many parents have told me 'We simply couldn't believe how our child's math skills had changed after getting this program.'"

"Under Secretary Clinton's new initiative textbooks will no longer contain multiplication tables.  Also, it will be against the law to make or own a calculator that can do multiplication.  Instead, when you hit the multiply key, calculators will display 'Somewhere between 4 and 120 is just fine.'"

"American children--and children from other countries who are Americans in every way except formality--have suffered the injustices of harsh mathematics long enough.  It's time we move forward together to remove this terrible injustice and bias, so every child will feel empowered and be able to enter any field they want without feeling anxiety."

"Secretary Clinton calls on all good Americans to pledge a mere $5 per month to support the research to draft the legislation to implement this program.  Of course you need to be aware that the actual charge to your bank account may be a few dollars over that because of handling and bank charges.  And a few folks may find they've been charged more than once a month, due solely to computer error. 

"Make your pledges to The Clinton Foundation."

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