Crime way up? Don't worry, the Dems have a Plan!

With every branch of the government of our poor beseiged nation now totally controlled by the Democrats, crime has skyrocketed (like inflation and the deficit).  But don't worry, citizen--Democrat leaders have a PLAN!  And it's a brilliant plan!  Certain to work!  Foolproof!

What is it, you ask?  Simple:  They'll pass a law making it illegal for ordinary citizens to own a gun.

This is a foolproof way to reduce crime because if thugs don't have guns, there won't be anymore drive-by shootings, or people shot at concerts or other events by angry thugs, or armed robberies.  Top Democrat strategists and "planners" are certain this logic is absolutely solid. 

See, the new law will confiscate guns just like the government of Australia did 20 years ago: Citizens will be given a year to turn all their guns over to their local police department, and after the year is up, anyone found with a gun will be imprisoned for ten years and fined $10,000.  What could be simpler, eh?

Of course because of "equity" these penalties will be...um..."adjusted" if a member of a "specially-protected class" is caught with a gun after the year is up.  No, the Dems haven't yet announced what those...um..."adjustments" will be, but rest assured that they'll be...um..."equitable," and will take into account "systemic racism" and centuries of "oppression."  

So blacks who violate the new law would be released from jail without having to post bond while awaiting trial, just as we do now.  Of course they'd have to sign a paper promising to show up for trial, just as now.  And since it's unreasonable to expect poor, oppressed drug dealers to be able to pay a $10,000 fine, the new laws will adjust that too.  Because the law applies equally to all, right?  So if the new LAW says that's what is to be done, everyone must obey the law, right?  Cuz it's "the law."

No, we Dems haven't yet announced what the fine will be if members of a...um..."specially-protected class" are caught with a gun.  Why do you care about this?  Rest assured the amount will be...um..."equitable."  You just need to trust us.  See, it's like Dr. Fauci said: "Follow the Science."

You're not a "science-denier," are you?  No, you're not.  And "social scientists" are actual scientists.  It says that right in their title, right?

Oh, I hear a few of you screaming that banning citizens from owning guns would violate the 2nd Amendment.  Not at all.  The Democrats have already solved that one.  See, you conservatives keep yammering about "original intent" of your silly Constitution, so the Democrats will let you get what you want: "violent domestic extremists" will still be permitted to own and "bear" exactly the same type of weapon that existed when the Amendment was written: Wikipedia says they're called "muzzle-loading flintlocks," single-shot, take about four minutes to re-load.  Cuz who would need more than one shot to deter a criminal, eh?

You conservatives keep yammering about "original intent," so now we've given you what you wanted.  Neener neener.

Finally, we hear some of you complaining that criminals won't turn in their guns like everyone else.  Some blather about "criminals don't obey laws" or some such.  But that's just silly, because we surveyed a thousand of the smartest attorneys and PhD's in the country and every one of them said they wouldn't even CONSIDER risking ten years in jail to own a gun after the new law passes.  In fact 98% said they'd never owned a gun and saw no need to own one.  And these are REALLY smart people!  So we're confident everyone will comply and turn in their guns.

Some deplorables also claim thugs won't turn in their guns because they're believe they won't actually have to go to jail for a decade or pay the $10,000 fine for failing to do so.  We can't imagine where they got such a crazy idea.