Apple tracks iphones stolen by NYC looters. Would they ask cops to go recover 'em??

During the recent rioting and looting in NYC, "protesters" stole several hundred iphones--which, as everyone on the planet knows, are sold by Apple, Inc.  And with a retail price nearing $1,000, they're valuable targets for looters excuse me..."protesters."

Of course Apple is a very smaht company, so the phones were quickly disabled.  And tracked.  So by the next morning Apple had locations for all of the several hundred stolen phones.  Which led to the following call from Apple to the NYC police department, recorded by the department:

Desk Sergeant John Watkins:  "John Watkins here.  Can I help you."

Apple staffer: "Hi Mr. Watkins.  I'm **** ******* with Apple, calling from California.  As you know, during last night's, um...activities...in your city, some peaceful protesters somehow gained access to our store on Walnut Street and seem to have accidentally walked off with a few hundred of our phones.

Sgt:  "Okay.  And how can we help you?"

Apple staffer: "Well, thanks to our very sophisticated software we've tracked these phones to a dozen addresses in your city, and, uh...

Sgt:  "Go on."

Apple staffer:  "We'd appreciate it if you could send some of your people to those addresses and recover our phones."

[long silence]

Sgt:  "Let's see if I've got this straight:  You people support the rioters, but when looters steal a few hundred-thousand dollars of your company's merchandise, you want us to recover it for ya?  Do I have that about right?"

Apple staffer:  "Absolutely.  You're totally right."

[long pause]

Sgt:  "Wait...is this the same Apple that refused to help the police and FBI unlock phones your company made, that were carried by the killers in San Bernardino a few years back?"

Apple staffer: "Uh...I'm not sure I recall anything like that."

Sgt:  "And when a muslim terrorist fatally shot a Navy seaman at Pensacola Naval Air Station last December, your company also refused to unlock his phone too, right?"

Apple staffer:  "I'm sorry, we can't discuss company policies."

Sgt:  "You and your company are shameless hypocrites.  But you're welcome to fly up here and recover your own damn phones.  Anything else I can help you with?"



Okay, if anyone didn't realize it, the above is satire.