Feds announce new "Order" to protect Americans from a deadly virus

Wait...didn't we hear much of this during the Covid scare?

"New federal order will require national milk testing to protect farms, farmworkers and all Americans from H5N1 Avian Influenza"

WASHINGTON, Dec. 6, 2024 -- Last March your alert government agents detected an outbreak of the deadly HPAI virus--specifically H5N1.  [HPAI is "highly pathogenic avian influenza, which is like bird flu, but we couldn't call it "bird flu" cuz that's been here before.  So we gave it a scary acronym.]

So today APHIS (the USDA's Inspection Service) announced that we will begin testing all milk processors, transporters and dairy farms for the virus, as part of the NMTS (National Milk Testing Strategy).

Today USDA is issuing a new Federal Order requiring that everyone in the milk business to provide raw (unpasteurized) milk samples to us for testing. Of course this isn't really an "order" any more than the vax "mandate" was an order, because anyone can decline.  Of course if they do we'll seize their business or farm and shut it down, like we did during Covid.

So really it's just "guidance" from your honest, diligent, alert federal government, developed with significant input from state, veterinary and public health stakeholders.  See?  This will keep your innocent kids from dying from this deadly virus.   So by keeping vigilant surveillance over the nation’s milk supply and dairy herds we can ensure you're protected, citizen.

“Extremely vigilant testing is needed because at the present time there is no known treatment for livestock or humans infected with the deadly virus.  So if milk from a dairy farm is found to contain the virus, the only way to guarantee the safety of the public is to euthanize the entire herd.

“This will give Americans confidence that they and their innocent children can drink milk safely.  Preliminary sampling shows that barely half of all dairy herds are likely to be infected.  

And as an added benefit, reducing the number of cows will reduce emissions of the deadly greenhouse gases CO2 and methane, both of which cause Global Climate Change.

This will also protect farmers and farmworkers from getting the virus, and will put us on a path to quickly controlling and stopping the spread of the virus, just like fast action by Dr. Anthony Fauci in rolling out the Covid vaccine prevented those who took it from getting the virus.

This NMTS is designed to increase USDA’s and public health partners’ understanding of the virus’ spread in the United States through a structured, uniform, and mandatory testing system that will help swiftly identify which states, and specific herds within them, are infected with H5N1.  Then we will rapidly implement  "enhanced biosecurity measures" to decrease the risk of transmission to other livestock.  USDA believes this additional step is needed to proactively support effective biosecurity measures needed to keep you and your children safe.  Because our top priority is your safety, citizen!  Just as it was for the deadly Covid-19 pandemic.

The head of Health and Human Services, the Honorable Xavier Becerra, said "We must test the output of all dairies in order to protect the health and safety of Americans and their innocent children."

Secretary Becerra then opened the press conference for questions:

Q: "The USDA said it's possible that up to half the dairy herds would have to be culled.  Wouldn't that big a drop in supply cause milk prices to skyrocket?"

A: "The president's National Economic Security Council--very smart people, with degrees from good Ivy-League universities--believes prices aren't as influenced by supply as much as Republicans claim.  So they expect milk prices would only go up a few cents a gallon.  And Treasury Secretary Yellen has said inflation is transitory, so we expect milk prices would quickly drop back to normal."

Q: "How many Americans have died from this 'HPAI' virus to date?"

A: "Um...we're not sure.  We think it's possible that many have died from it, but that those deaths were classified as being caused by ordinary flu.  See, only a couple of government labs can tell whether a given sample is H5N1 or normal flu.  It's much like the problem we had with Covid, where deaths from flu and heart attack suddenly dropped to near zero.  There was no reason for that to happen, so we believe many deaths that were attributed to covid were really the flu.  So the opposite is probably happening here."

Q: "So you're not sure this 'highly pathogenic' virus has caused ANY deaths here?"

A: Thank you.  Next question.  Yes?

Q: "About two dozen dairy farmers have told us the USDA said their milk tested positive for the virus, even though private testing found nothing.  And it was odd that all the farmers who reported this to us were Trump supporters.  Can you comment?

A: "Our administration would nevah 'weaponize the federal government' against political opponents.  That's something Orange Hitler has said he'll do.  So you're confused.

Q: "Sources at the FDA tell us they're just about ready to test a vaccine that would keep people from getting this virus.  Does the biden regime have any plans to order all Americans to take this vaccine?

A: "Not at all, citizen.  After all, the president didn't order Americans to take the covid vaccine, so...

Q: "Wait...what?  The president absolutely DID order all Americans to take the vaccine, after promising just three weeks earlier that he would NEVER do that."

A: "Absolutely untrue.  That order was issued by a new employee at the Department of Labor, who accidentally pressed the wrong key on a computer that sent that press release to all news outlets.  Everyone thought the White House sent it out, and the White House thought HHS or the FDA sent it out, so no one retracted it.

Q: "Could that happen again?"

A: "Absolutely not.  The president has promised he won't order Americans to take the vax for bird flu.  And you know how he prides himself on keeping his word as a biden. 

Source (mostly)

https://www.usda.gov/media/press-releases/2024/12/06/usda-announces-new-federal-order-begins-national-milk-testing

(Okay, a bit of sarc above)