Warmie vs. skeptic in 150 words

Hey citizen!  Didja know dat becuz of Global Warming, duh sea level beez risin'?  Oh yeah.  Dey say it gonna kill all life on duh planet!  

Me: "Uh...how much is duh temp gonna rise to kill all life on duh planet?  An' when it gon' do dat?

Warmie: "Uh...ouha experts say duh average global temp gon' go up one degree." 

Me: "ONE degree?

Warmie: "Well of course that's 'Celsius.'  It's a LOT more in Fahrenheit."

Me: "How much more?" 

Warmie: "Um...[inaudible] degrees."

Me: "Can you speak up?  You tend to mumble when you don't want us to hear what you bleat."

Warmie: "1.8 degrees F."

Me: "So you're saying 1.8 degrees will kill all life on Earth??  That seems...most unlikely."

Warmie: "Dat cuz you don' know Science, smartypants.  Duh pipo on ouah side beez lots smahtah den yew, and dey sez 1.8 degrees F will make duh sea level rise enuf to drown Miami and NYC an' lotsa udda places!  Yew don' want dat, right?"

Me: "Uh...let me think about that for awhile.  So how fast do your experts claim sea levels are rising?"

Warmie: "Um...uh...about [inaudible] per year."

Me: "Sorry, you're mumbling again.  How much?"

Warmie: "About one millimeter per year."

Me: "Okay, so you say you're a 'sciency' person.  How many millimeters in a foot?"  

Warmie: "Uh...um...uh...I...uh...I know Science but never claimed to be a math whiz.  So..."

Me: "About 300.  So at this rate it would take 300 years to rise a foot?"

Warmie: "If you say so.  I reserve the right to check that, cuz it looks like you did that without a calculator, and I don't think it's possible.  But for purposes of argument I'll go wif dat."

Me: "Thanks.  Can you predict whether it will rain here exactly one month from today?"

Warmie: "Is this a trick question?  Of course we can't predict that exactly."

Me: "Yet you implicitly claim your experts can predict global temperatures a century from now based on just one variable: CO2 level."

Warmie: "Whut?  Uh...sure.  Cuz dat beez way different den predicting rain.  See, dat's duh difference between 'weather' and 'climate'.  Yew too stupid to unnerstan duh diff'rence.  Yew prolly went to a state university."

Me: "Dude, my average class size was 12 students, and all the instructors were PhDs.  How does that compare to, say, Hahvahd?"

Warmie: "Whut?"

Me: "Nevermind.  You wouldn't believe me if I told ya.  So you claim that a century or two or three from now all life on Erf gon' be gone, cuz global worming?"

Warmie: "Well we not sure when ALL life gon' be killed, but dat whut ouah models say.  An' duh models use...wait fo' it...computers!  An' computers beez way smahtah den yew!  Yew don't claim to be able to match wits wif computer, right?"

Me: "Don't tell me: you believe 'AI' is smarter than humans."

Warmie: "Of course AI is smahtah den humans!  If dat wudn't true why would all deez companies pushing AI be driving the stock market to new records, eh?  Geez, you stupid!"

Me: "Say, who writes the AI programs, eh?"

Warmie: "Whut?"

Me: "You DO know that humans write the programs that tell computers what to consider and what to ignore when building their AI model of the universe, right?

Warmie: "Nah bro, dat fake newz.  Duh computers beez writin' dere own rules!  Dey way smahtah den yew."

Me: "Well I'll concede that if sea level rises a foot in the next century it's gonna raise the cost of flood insurance in Miami and NYC."

Warmie:  "So dat's reason enuf to ban the use of all carbon-based fuel! 

Me:  "Sure, sparky.  Say, who do you like for preznit in November?"

Warmie:  "Is that a trick?  Biden, of course.

Me: "Wow, who could have predicted that, eh?