Biden announces bold plan to reduce Global Warming by requiring all wildfires to be electric

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Speaking from the Rose Garden today, President Biden announced his administration's bold plan to reduce Global Warming and save the Earth by requiring all wildfires to be electric by 2025.

"My administration is committed to fighting pancakes, I mean climate change, and today we announce our boldest initiative yet!" the President shouted to a group of dolls in his closet that he mistook for reporters on the White House lawn. "By 2025, all wildfires will be powered exclusively by safe, clean electricity. Gotta do it, folks!  Not a joke!  I wonder what that redhead smells like?"

The president's energy secretary, the brilliant Jennifer Granholm, outlined details of the plan, which relies on an Executive Order requiring that all wildfires obtain permits before being allowed to burn down thousands of acres of forest.

"Electric wildfires are the future of climate technology," declared the head of the Bureau of Land Management. "I'm thrilled to see our president take strong, effective action against destructive carbon-fueled wildfires. Electric wildfires can burn millions of acres of trees with far less CO2 emitted, and for only 10 times the price!"

The Biden administration told reporters they've spoken with wildfires across the country and have nearly reached an agreement with the fires, which includes provisions to convert current wood-burning fires into electric-only in just three years. The President hailed the move as another major step forward in his administration's ongoing commitment to spend up to a trillion federal dollars on totally practical, common-sense "climate-saving measures."

He added that anyone criticizing this brilliant, effective plan would be imprisoned for "posting misinformation."

Source: The Babylon Bee

https://babylonbee.com/news/biden-announces-by-2025-all-wildfires-must-be-electric