Walmart to close four stores in Chicago. Mayor outraged: "a violation of basic human rights"

CHICAGO — After Walmart announced it was closing four stores in "culturally enriched" Chicago neighborhoods, the city's incoming mayor, Brandon Johnson, issued a dire warning that the closings will leave many Chicagoans with fewer places to shoplift.

At a protest against the closings Johnson said "Citizens of our city should be able to shoplift in their own communities without having to travel to distant neighborhoods.  If our young supporters don't have a safe place to shoplift, loot, fight, take drugs, beat up customers and smash windows, they might be forced to shoplift in surrounding towns where cops might actually arrest them."

"Of course my Soros-funded DA will quickly release them without bail, but it's a terrible experience, so we can't let the company take away a basic human right!"

A Walmart district manager said the closings are necessary because each of the four stores was losing millions of dollars due to "inventory shrinkage."

Civil rights leaders warned that if Walmart does close the stores, they'll encourage Chicago residents to boycott shoplifting at all Walmart stores. 

H/T The Babylon Bee