From: Nancy Pelosi; To: Members of our Party; Subject: Our next bill: the "Carbon Reduction Act"

From: Speaker Pelosi

To:  All members of our Party

Subject:  Our newest bill

With the election just 59 days from now, our strategy to maintain our majority control of the House is doing extremely well.  With the help of our media friends, Vice-president Harris has removed the border as a negative issue for us, by assuring voters who saw her interview with Chuck Todd that "The border is totally secure."  That's a huge win.

Next, President Biden removed inflation as an issue by assuring voters that the CPI report showed that inflation was no longer a concern.  Since our research shows that only one American out of 20 knows what the CPI is, and only one in a hundred knows how to find it, you can quote the president's assurance and no reporter will dispute his statement.

Another huge win to win votes was our passage of the brilliant Inflation Reduction Act.  Thanks to our media allies, every story billed this act as doing what the name said, and our polling shows 90 percent of Americans believed it.  Similarly, our President's Executive Order paying $10,000 of student loan debt for all current students has won huge support from college students and their parents.  Our friends in the Media have done a great job ignoring the silly claim by Republicans that it's somehow "not fair" for the President to use tax dollars from people who repaid their loans, or didn't go to college, to repay loans for students at Harvard,Yale and other schools.  After all, our Party determines what's fair, and we say this is totally fair.  So there hasn't been any push-back on this.  Net win for us.

So now we'll go to a known winning issue for our Party: Climate Change.  All good Americans have always believed the Science, that Climate Change is the most serious threat ever.  And now, thanks to a recent, carefully coordinated wave of media stories about it, our polling data shows that almost 80% of voters believe Climate Change is the most dire threat we face.

Now:  Experts say every American child causes 23.4 million tons of CO2* to be emitted over their lifetime, due to driving, heating and air conditioning their homes, growing the food they demand, producing a new car for every family every 3.6 years, and building single-family homes.  Since our Party wants to save the planet, clearly we must reduce the number of American children, since each one emits more CO2 than children in other countries.

Accordingly, next week we will be introducing the "Carbon Reduction Act."  It declares a "Climate Emergency" and authorizes the president to issue any EO's needed to solve the emergency, just as with Covid.  

The bill limits families to one child until the end of the emergency.  As with Covid, no end date is specified, but will be determined by the president.  This is brilliant because Republican candidates will be asked if they favor "ending the Emergency."  If they say yes, we and the Media will say they "want to destroy the planet."  It's a win-win.

Of course the bill will contains exeptions: Anyone certified by the IRS as "Climate-friendly" (by owning only electric vehicles or no vehicles) can have a second child by paying a "carbon tax" of $10,850.  And of course like all laws, it wouldn't apply to members of congress or "undocumented Americans.".

Now, after we introduce the Carbon Reduction Act, when you go back to your districts to campaign just before the election you'll need to be prepared to answer some predictable questions, like these:

   1. "Isn't this the same as China's 'one-child policy?"  Answer: Yes, but if that's a problem for you, you obviously hate the planet.  Our Chinese friends are very, very successful.  They have the largest economy on the planet, so they must be doing something right."

   2.  "All the people we've talked with say this isn't enough unless other nations do the same thing."  Answer: "You're right, but the U.S. must lead by example.  How can we expect other nations to join us if we foolishly continue to allow more than one child per family.  Besides, who needs more than one child, eh?  Just like who needs private gun ownership, or a photo-ID to vote?  It's just silly."

   3.  "How will we know when the Climate Emergency is over?"  Answer: "The bill establishes a Climate Emergency Determination Board, composed of Scientists from the CDC, FDA, NOAA, EPA and the Congressional Black Caucus, that will meet once a year to see if the Climate Emergency can be ended."

   4.  "Many Scientists say commercial jet travel emits huge amounts of CO2.  Does this bill ban jet airline travel?"  Answer:  "Of course not.  We recognize that important people often need to get across the country or overseas fast.  So airlines will still be allowed to fly.  But to offset the carbon emissions the bill will add a 'carbon surcharge' to tickets.  The amount will be set by the new Climate Emergency Adjustment Board but is expected to be around $1000 for a coast-to-coast ticket.  Of course people certified by the IRS as either 'Climate-friendly' or 'Important' will be exempt from the surcharge.

   5.  "How does someone get certified as an *important person?*  Answer: Members of Congress and Federal officials.  Private citizens can apply to the Climate Emergency Adjustment Board and pay a fee to be determined by the Climate Emergency Adjustment Board.

   6.  "Do you expect many Republicans in congress will support this bill?"  Answer:  No, and that just shows that Republicans hate the environment.  Fortunately it doesn't matter if we don't get a single Republican vote, since our Party has a majority in both chambers."

SO, push this bill hard back home.  If our polling shows enough support we'll try to pass this right after the election.