Dems thrilled about "Inflation Reduction Act," now plan to introduce a bill to prevent forest fires due to lightning

From: Speaker Pelosi

To:  Members of our Party

Subject:  Our new bill to fight Global Warming

Congratulations to all Party members for our great win in pushing through the $700 Billion "Inflation Reduction Act."  Every member maintained party discipline, and our Media allies cooperated by not asking any of our Members how the spending would reduce inflation.  And of course $370 Billion of the amount is dedicated to fighting Global Warming, which our polls show is a top priority for voters.

Passing this law ensures there will be tens of millions in local "stimulus" for each of your districts--including subsidies for your constituents who buy electric vehicles.  

Now that we've done such a great job getting voters excited about fighting Global Warming again, we need to build on this fabulous momentum.  So here's our next great bill to fight Global Warming:

Every year forest fires burn tens of millions of tons of wood, which produces tens of millions of tons of planet-killing CO2.  Since all good people want to save the Earth from Global Warming, we obviously need to find a way to prevent these terrible, climate-killing forest fires.

Experts at Harvard tell us the most common cause of forest fires is lightning strikes.  Thanks to a $100-million grant they've been studying ways to prevent lightning, but concluded this was impractical.  But now after a new $200-million grant they've come up with a different approach:  We will prevent strikes from causing forest fires. 

To do that our bill will build 200-foot tall towers in forests, topped with lightning rods, every half-mile.  These will towers will attract lightning and conduct the charge safely to ground without causing a fire.

Estimated cost is only $1.2 Trillion, which the Harvard experts tell us is far less than the cost of building levees around every country on Earth, which is what we'd have to do if we can't stop Global Warming.

So tell your constituents about this fabulous new bill when you go home for the August recess.  Because all good Americans agree that we must spare no expense when it comes to saving the Earth from Global Warming.