Democrat talking points for the week

From: Speaker Pelosi 

To: Our members and media allies 

Subject: Talking points for this week 

1. One of the reasons the public hasn't been supportive of our Green New Deal is that many climate-deniers--including a couple of scientists--have convinced the public that the climate has always changed.  The deniers absurdly tell the public to "Look at that big flaming ball in the sky, which changes everything."

2. We've now found a scientist who's scheduled to publish a paper about ice cores or something, which he says shows that the climate actually hasn't changed at all over the earth's history.  Our media friends will then use this "fact" to push the idea that the warming seen over the last century is unprecedented *and probably fatal,* which should make voters more willing to accept our bans on their use of fossil fuels.

3. You're all encouraged to reassure your media friends that the ban on air travel will not apply to them, as our bill will include exemptions for "essential workers," just as we did for the lockdowns.  But in this case "essential" will be defined as members of the media.  And members of congress, of course.

4. We have another plan in the works:  A leftist Swedish journalist has nominated Black Lives Matter for the Nobel peace prize.  Encourage your media contacts to write glowing articles praising the brilliance of this nomination.

5. We're working with the organizations we run, like "worldpopulationreview.com," to push policies that will let us harvest millions more votes.  Ask your media contacts to push these points:
   "All good Americans know it's important that as many people vote as possible.  To do this we must remove barriers to registering to vote, and barriers to voting, such as forcing poor Americans to show hard-to-obtain photo-ID to exercise their sacred right to vote.
   "We must also ensure all eligible ballots are securely counted.  The word "securely" is important, because Republicans have used "poll watchers" to try to intimidate our honest vote counters.  To counter this, ask your media contacts to write stories pushing rules to require Republican "poll watchers" (actually insurrectionists) to stay at least 200 feet from vote counters.  This is especially important for areas where workers are counting absentee or mail-in ballots.
   "As you all know, right-wing conspiracy-mongers are claiming, without a shred of evidence, that there was election fraud.  Thank your media contacts for the stories they've written debunking these stories, and ask them to keep up the good work.

6. We've introduced a bill--already passed in the House--to make it easier to vote. Ask your media contacts to write stories supporting this bill, which contains the following totally reasonable "pro-voter policies" that have been proven to increase voter registration and voting:
    Automatic voter registration when someone applies for a driver's license.
    Same-day voter registration.
    Pre-registration (allowing 15-year-olds to register, even though not eligible to vote).
    Allowing registration on-line, which enables people to register without having to go to the trouble of going in in person, or showing any identification, or having the registration witnessed by anyone.
    Making early voting federal law.
    Nationwide vote-by-mail.
    Allowing "formerly incarcerated people" to vote.  Ensure that your media contacts do NOT phrase this as "allowing felons to vote," since our focus groups show voters are put off by this phrasing.  By contrast, voters interpret "formerly incarcerated" as meaning anyone who's been jailed for a few hours because they took part in a mostly-peaceful demonstration for "social justice," which voters love.

7.  We'll be nominating Tony Fauci for the Nobel prize.  Ask your media contacts to push this.

8.  When the Senate has finished the trial to convict Donald Trump and prevent him from running in 2024, we plan to introduce a bill to ban the letter N, because some wrong-thinking people have been using the term "N-word."  This is hate speech, because everyone knows what they really mean by the N.

9.  All Democrats in my state were thrilled when the 27-year-old Democrat female president of the powerful San Fransisco school board, Gabriela Lopez, succeeded in renaming 44 area schools who were named for awful white supremacists like Abraham Lincoln, George Washington, Paul Revere and others.  But this only fixed the problem in one city, so as soon as the bill to ban the letter N passes, we plan to introduce a bill to rename every school in the country named after any of those white supremacists.  The bill will also require school boards to rename any school named "White," since people of color have told us they are deeply offended by that name.

Let's continue to "Build Back Better."