ISIS releases slick new video threatening the west. But don't worry, citizen.
Here's another of his lines in the vid:
As the Islamic State army edges closer and closer to Damascus and Baghdad, as a lion stalks its prey, watch closely at how defeat eats away at the loser, because these two cities are just appetisers. When we descend on the streets of London, Paris and Washington the taste will be far bitterer, because not only will we spill your blood, but we will also demolish your statues, erase your history and, most painfully, convert your children who will then go on to champion our name and curse their forefathers.But don't worry, citizens: This man and the things he's threatening have nothing whatsoever to do with Islam. In fact, this man can't be a true muslim at all, but delusionally believes he is. How in the world could he possibly know which religion he belongs to? The only way a person is correctly assigned to a religion is if your government makes an official determination. And your emperor says this man is not muslim.
So you needn't worry a bit. He's a "lone wolf." As are the other 174 bearded men in camo who appear in the video with him. All these "lone wolves" just happened to show up on the same day and forced the innocent non-muslims running ISIS's professional video production facility to make this film.
So go back to watching MSNBC, or "America's Got Talent" or whatever it is you like. My expert appointees like Marie Harf and Jen Psaki and John Kerry have things firmly under control, and if you need to know anything we'll tell you. Because my policies have made America safer than at any time in its history. You know that's true, because the NY Times says so.
Oh, and be sure to vote Democrat, so we can continue making America safer and stronger and more respected than at any time in its history!