Wednesday, December 10

University prez apologizes for emailing "All lives matter" after outraged! comments

A couple of days ago, reacting to the deaths of Mike Brown and Eric Garner the president of a pricey northeast college emailed students under this subject line:
All lives matter.
Entirely non-controversial, eh?

Not if you're part of the Society of the Perpetually Aggrieved.

Commenters were...outraged!!! that the person would have the audacity! the temerity! the utter lack of political correctness! to say "ALL" lives matter.

You think I'm kidding, but the comments were...well, "outraged" doesn't begin to describe 'em.  A typical comment was "You're an idiot...the proper phrase is BLACK lives matter!!!"

Wait...aren't ALL lives important?  Are we only expected to be moved when a black is killed by the cops?

You'd think a university president would...wait, just kidding:  It's highly unlikely that you can think like the president of a pricey northeastern college.  They are just...well...just SO fabulous and sensitive and, like, really...well, words fail.  But they are, and you're not.  So there.

So the university president--one Kathleen McCartney, prez of Smith college--quickly bowed and scraped and recanted.  She really didn't mean that "all lives matter."  This was just silly on her part, and probably a typo (as Jonathan Gruber swears a whole section of the ACA really is). What this esteemed and highly paid university president really meant was...fuck, I have no idea but here's what she emailed:
"I regret that I was unaware the phrase/hashtag “all lives matter” has been used by some to draw attention away from the focus on institutional violence against Black people.”
Of course this may also not mean what it says, since that all depends on how severely the Society of the Perpetually Aggrieved criticizes her.  Because the last thing any prez of a pricey eastern university wants is to be criticized by the perpetually aggrieved.

So, what is the lesson today, boys and girls?  It is that if you say "ALL lives matter" you will be considered unenlightened.  Un-nuanced.  Primitive.  Politically incorrect.

So if you know what's good for you you'll instantly apologize.

What a huge load of crap!

I'm sorry, but fuck anyone who doesn't believe that you can say "all lives matter" without having to apologize to anyone.

If anyone thinks you can't say--or think--that all lives matter, we are mortal enemies.

If the Society of the Perpetually Aggrieved ever gets over their special-snowflake craziness, maybe we can talk.  If not, start the fucking civil war.  At this point I really don't care either way.


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