Sunday, November 24

Obama announces Fabulous Agreement with Iran

So Obabe has an agreement with the mullahs of Iran.  That is SO fab, so...presidential!  He's the bestest negotiator in history!

I'd love to be a "reporter" and interview either our Secretary of State, whose underlings negotiated the deal and who signed it on behalf of the American people, or Obama.  But I'll settle for Kerry:

Me:  So tell us: what does it do, this agreement? 

John Heinz Kerry:  Well, the mullahs promised they'd disconnect a pipe connecting two centrifuge trains, which will make it impossible for them to enrich uranium beyond 5 percent.  And they promised they only want to use uranium for peaceful purposes.

Me:  Okay, so what concessions did we agree to to get that?

Heinz Kerry:  We and the other western signatories agreed to release $4.2 billion in Iranian oil revenue that had been frozen in western banks since sanctions began.  And we agreed to end all "economic sanctions" on Iran.

Me:  But weren't the economic sanctions a painstakingly negotiated tool to try to deter Iran from pursuing nuclear weapons, and to prod them to behave better?

Kerry:  I guess.  Okay, sure.

Me:  So how have they been behaving?  Didn't they send Iranian troops into Syria?

K:  You can't prove that.

Me:  Well, have they been trying to make an atomic bomb?

K:  You can't prove that either.  They've just been...experimenting with uranium.  For peaceful purposes.

Me:  Ah.  Just out of curiosity, how do you know their purpose is peaceful?

K:  They told us.

Me:  Ah.  And you believe them because they've been so honest in the past?

K:   You're just a raaacist.

Me:  John, I won't allow you to yank the focus away from your stupidity by calling me a racist.  Now, it seems to me we gave the Iranians a pair of huge tangible benefits and got nothing but words in return.

K:  Oh no!  This agreement will ensure Peace In Our Time!  And don't forget, they agreed to disconnect that pipe connecting the two centrifuge trains!

Deputy Assistant Undersecretary of State for Ending Interviews:  I'm sorry but Secretary Kerry has a plane to catch.

Okay, anything can be satirized.  What are the facts?  To find out, let's turn to a right-wingnut news organization like, oh, the New York Times:   The Times devoted a thousand words to how wonderful the agreement was, and how many provisions there were to ensure the Iranians wouldn't secretly cheat...before adding this as the very last sentence:
But Iran did not agree to all of the [inspections] that the International Atomic Energy Agency had said was needed to ensure that the Iranian program is peaceful.  
Wait...even the notoriously diplomatic, polite IAEA said Iran did NOT agree to all the inspections needed to ensure they weren't working on an atom bomb?

And the Times puts that at the end of the article?  The absolute final sentence?

Seems to me that statement shows that the vaunted agreement is pretty much hope and sham.  If G.W. Bush were president that statement would have led the story.  But with Duh Won in the oval it's "Ooooh, this is such a *fabulous* achievement!  It really will ensure Peace in Our Time !"

For my university readers:  Can any of you tell me who made that phrase famous, and when? 

Bonus points:  What happened less than a year after that phrase was proclaimed?  If you don't know try asking your friends and see how many of them know.  I'm really curious.


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