After Supreme Court says no to biden forcing taxpayers to cover student debt, regime finds a workaround

From: Treasury Secretary Yellen
To: all banks
Subject: student loans

I don't need to tell you the importance of keeping your bank's ESG score ["environmental and social governance"] as high as possible.  But just so everyone understands, the reason is that if your ESG score drops, asset-management companies will sell your stock, causing the price to drop.

As you know, conservatives on the Supreme Court recently ruled that our president's campaign promise before the 2020 election to cancel up to $20,000 of student loan debt exceeded his authority.  But we're determined to find a way to accomplish this.  Hence this letter.

Since we control ESG scores (through our Media allies), if you don't want that score to drop, we ask that your bank voluntarily reduce the balance on all student loans held by your bank.  We suggest all loans be reduced by $10,000, or $20,000 for minorities and women.

Of course this is only a suggestion.  It's vital that you understand and agree that the Treasury department is not ordering you to do this.  It's totally voluntary.  Of course you may be assured that our Media friends will publish favorable stories about banks that agree to this non-mandatory suggestion.  By contrast, you may assume that banks that do not voluntarily agree will also be mentioned by name in all stories.

Thank you for your quick cooperation in this important matter.

Sincerely,

Yellen

[Obviously satire, but no one will be surprised if it happens, eh?]