Biden regime says gas stoves are bad-- but that's just the beginning!

The Biden administration has now told all Americans that gas stoves are murderous devils, causing Global Warming AND asthma in precious, innocent kiddies.  

But murderous as they are, gas stoves aren't the only household appliances the government should ban--totally for your safety, of course!  (If you haven't noticed, EVERY ban is "for your safety.")  Here are seven other appliances government bureaucrats are considering banning:

1. Toasters: These are designed to turn something white into something brown.  So basically blackface for bread.  Basic human rights demand that we not allow this cultural appropriation to continue.
   
2. Furnaces: Uh oh, that's basically like a gas stove for your entire house.  How can a caring Democrat government allow gas furnaces to exist after decreeing that gas stoves are destroying the planet, right?
   
3. Coffee Makers:  This is the end-user appliance, but the *real* demon here is coffee itself.   Do you know how many third-world workers were exploited to bring you that bag of coffee beans? We don't either, but it's probably a lot.  It's simply outrageous to force these poor third-world workers to gather beans for a paltry $2 per hour when they could be flipping burgers or writing computer code for $15 to $50 per hour.  A caring government can't allow this to continue.
   
4. Blenders: These turn everything into one homogenous slurry instead of retaining the individual identity of each ingredient.  It's like the people who use these awful things don't care about Diversity at all!
5. Washing Machines: Separate cycles for whites and colors? What year is it, 1619???
6. Waffle Irons: You know who else liked waffles? Hitler, that's who!
7. Air Fryers: These aren't problematic, but they take up a lot of counter space. Plus, they're a real pain to clean.

Now go, be a good person, and throw all these appliances in the trash immediately.  Well, you can't exactly throw your gas furnace in the trash but you can rip it out and replace it with clean, "green" electric heating, which uses no energy at all!  Or even better, you can sign up for a DHS program to host 40 illegal aliens in your home for the winter.  Every human puts out about as much heat as a 60 watts light bulb, so 40 will keep your home toasty warm--provided you live south of Savannah.

Source: The Babylon Bee (and they're good!)