NBA's television ratings (ABC franchise) are down...um...45 percent! Experts mystified!

Yes indeed, citizen!  Ratings right now are down a whopping 45 percent!  And all the so-called "elites" are, like, TOTALLY mystified!  Cuz, all you dumb, mouth-breathing, knuckle-dragging, sister-loving, trailer-park-trash deplorables jus' LOVE bakkabaw, right? 

You LOVE to spend a few hundred bucks per season to get the bakkabaw channel on cable, right?

Wuh...wuh...wuh...why aren't you deplorables tuning in to da bakkabaw channel (ABC)???  You know you love it.  You know you need it!  Get with the program, deplorables!

Wait, wait.  We know why.  You still love pro bakkabaw as much as evah.  You jus' don' know that da new season has started, and is on ABC!  You thought da killa chinese virus had cancelled da season, like it wiped out the rest of the economy.  But NO!  They're playing! 

So get with the program!  And ignore those right-wing rumors being spread by the Trump campaign that NBA players and coaches and referees were [mumble mumble something bullshit bullshit] before games!  That almost certainly did NOT happen!  And even if it might have, it was all good, cuz you deplorables are raaaaaacist, and this is a raaaacist country!

So get with the program!  And by the way, vote "progressive."