Don Lemon reports from CNN headquarters in Atlanta--1,100 miles from Minneapolis

Don Lemon, CNN:  This is Don Lemon at CNN headquarters, Allison.  I think I hear some noises outside, probably the peaceful protestors we've been watching in Minneapolis.  Other networks--the ones supporting that awful orange dictator in the White House--say there has been some violence, but we haven't seen any.  It's all been perfectly peaceful.
    Oh sure, we've heard reports from other networks that some capitalist pigs were whining that their businesses had been burned or some such nonsense, but that's just pro-Trump propaganda.

Allison Camerota:  Wow, it's so wonderful that young Americans can peacefully protest injustice, Don.  Such a pleasure to see young people standing up for justice and peaceful protest of wrongdoing, right?

Lemon: Yes it is, Allison.  And long overdue in this awful country, run by an evil dictator who demands rights for himself while taking rights away from peaceful young Americans who are only interested in equality and diversity and free speech and...

[sound of large glass window breaking]

Allison: What was that, Don?

Lemon:  I'm not sure, Allison.  Sounded like glass breaking.  You just can't get good help these days.

Allison:  Truth.  Of course on the off chance something's happening, it's a good thing you're on the 8th floor of our headquarters.

Lemon [laughing]:  I'm sure it's just peaceful protesters protesting peacefully, probably accidentally backed into a window or something.

Allison [laughing]:  You're probably right.  It's sure reassuring to know the protests have been peaceful.

[sound of glass breaking]

Lemon:  Well, almost entirely peaceful, at least.  I think I'll get a portable crew and interview some of the peaceful protestors outside.

Lemon:  I'm in the lobby now, Allison, and...uh...there seems to be a large crowd, and some sort of problem.  I can't tell exactly what it is yet, but some of those people are picking up rocks or something.  Fortunately they're wearing masks so it shows they're obeying the social distancing rules.

Allison:  That's so reassuring, Don.  Good to see young, peaceful Americans following the rules that keep us all safe!

Lemon:  Yes it is, Allison.  And particularly when...DAMN!  Asshole threw a big chunk of concrete right through the window.  Came within 20 feet of hitting me!  Don't these morons know who I am?

Allison:  You should just tell them who you are, Don.  I'm sure if they knew they were attacking the headquarters of CNN--the most-watched television network in the world--they'd stop.

Lemon:  Uh, Allison...the CNN logo is right next to the front door, 15 feet high, so I think they know that we're...SON OF A BITCH!!  Jerk in a hoodie just waltzed up to the door, picked up that big piece of concrete and used it break another window!  Can someone call 911?  We need some cops down here right away!

Allison:  My producer already called 'em.  They said they'd love to help but they're trapped in their precinct station and won't be able to reach you for a few hours.  Or maybe tomorrow.  But they told you to just stay calm, that these were just peaceful protestors. 
    Well, mostly peaceful, anyway.