Wednesday, July 28

Why I'm voting Democrat this November

This November I’m voting for Democrats, because I agree with the Democratic leadership that the government would do a better job of spending my money than I would. I agree with Barack that it's good for the government to "spread the wealth around." All the people I know support that idea. Besides, only the rich would end up paying more in taxes, and they wouldn't miss it because...they're *rich*! (duh!)

I’m voting Democrat because I believe businesses shouldn't be allowed to keep any profit they might make. Only greedy people want to make a profit. I agree with Democrats that the government should seize all profits and redistribute them to the poor. (See "Spreading the Wealth" above.)

I’m voting Democrat because Democrats believe we need more regulations and higher taxes on Business. For example, did you know current U.S. law actually allows businesses to set up factories overseas? That lets corporations export American jobs to countries that have fewer regulations and lower wages, so we need to change the law to make that illegal. After all, businesses should be run for the good of ALL Americans, not just the people who own 'em or a few greedy execs and investors.

I'm voting Democrat because Barack Obama has promised to cut taxes for 95% of all Americans. And they say people who don't pay any income tax *now* will get this cut in the form of a big check. Everyone I know loves this plan! Rethuglicans claim the Democrats will use their big majorities in both houses to let the so-called "Bush tax cuts" expire, which will raise taxes on almost everyone, but that's just a lie they're pushing to scare people into voting against Democrats this fall.

I’m voting Democrat because I agree with Democrats that terrorists are entitled to a trial in American courts. That way their lawyers will be able to force the government to produce any secret documents that might help in their defense. It's just awful that we've imprisoned all those poor "freedom fighters" at Gitmo without a trial. We need to let them go back to their home countries. Rethuglicans say if we do that they'll start killing American soldiers again, but that's just silly. After all, they're just peaceful farmers who got captured when they weren't doing anything wrong.

Oh, and I'm voting Democrat to give the president more time to close Gitmo. He's been trying so hard to do that ever since he was elected, but the stupid Rethuglicans keep obstructing every plan the Dems introduce to close that hell-hole.

I’m voting Democrat because Democrats support the idea that every person in this country--legally or otherwise--is entitled to free health care. Rethuglicans claim it won't really be free, because the govt will have to pay for it with taxes, but that's silly: the government is gonna give me health care at no cost to me, so that makes it's free. At least free to me.

I believe doctors, nurses, drug companies, etc. should work for whatever salary the government decides they should get. If any of 'em don't like that, the government should require them to donate their time, products, services, facilities, etc. The result will be lots better than the unfair one we have now, under which poor people and immigrants can only get free medical care by going to the Emergency Room.

I’m voting Democrat because Dems support keeping it easy to file product-liability lawsuits. I think it's just *awful* that ordinary people are injured every day by using products made by giant corporations that don't care if their products are unsafe. And I don't think companies should be able to squirm out of paying just because an injured person didn't read some silly warnings in the instructions. I mean, in this day and age, who bothers reading stuff like that?

I’m voting Democrat because I agree with Democrats that 9/11 was planned by George Bush to trick the American people into supporting his invasion of Iraq--a country that was never a threat us in any way. We never found any WMDs there, and I think those videos of Kurds supposedly killed by poison gas from Iraqi planes were all fake. All my friends agree that the *real* reason Bush invaded Iraq was to steal their oil.

I’m voting Democrat because I want to preserve the Social Security system. Democrat leaders say it's financially sound, and that rumors that the system is about out of money are just scare stories being pushed by Rethuglicans. I mean, how could that be true? Everyone knows the government puts our Social Security contributions in a 'lock-box' so the money will be there when we retire.

I'm voting Democrat because Dems support our public school system. Our kids need to be taught that capitalism is evil and that the U.S. is actually the biggest source of death and misery in the world. You can't count on private schools to teach stuff like that. And did you know that when Barack was running that Annenberg project in Chicago he gave $150,000,000 to some new kinds of schools in Chicago, and the graduation rate went way up. I know that's true because I read it in the New York Times.

I’m voting Democrat because Democrats support gay marriage for the whole country, not just in a few states. After all, it's obvious that marriage is a fundamental right, just like the right to a well-paid job, free medical care, public transit and unrestricted abortion. It says so right in the Constitution. It's just not fair that people can't marry anyone they want to. Us Democrats are all about fairness.

I’m voting Democrat because Democrats support the right to an abortion up to the moment of birth.

I’m voting Democrat because I agree with Barack that Republicans are bitter and cling to their guns and religion for comfort. All my friends agree that the U.S. would be a far better place if we could get rid of guns. And religion.

I’m voting Democrat because Democrats support amnesty for undocumented residents and "mis-directed foreign travellers." ("illegal aliens" is such a judgmental term!). Democrats believe undocumented residents deserve all the rights that the rest of us enjoy--free housing, schooling, food stamps, free medical care and the right to vote. It's only fair. We Democrats are really strong on fairness.

Oh, and I believe once someone is here from another country they should have the right to bring in as many of their family members as they like, because it's cruel to keep families apart!

I’m voting Democrat because Democrats support community groups like ACORN that register disadvantaged people to vote. Otherwise they might have trouble following the confusing requirements of registration. I'm not bothered by reports on Faux News that ACORN has submitted registration cards for felons, dead people, children, Disney characters or the starting line of the Dallas Cowboys (who, surprisingly, turn out to live in Nevada), because Fox is a right-wing network that lies.

Besides, ACORN doesn't *want* to register people who aren't eligible to vote, but they're *required by law* to turn in every card that people fill out. I don't have any problem with this because ACORN has good intentions. Having the right intentions is important. Plus it will help ensure that Dems win in November.

I'm voting Democrat because Democrats know that efforts by Rethuglicans to cross-check new voter registration cards to see if the names match the SS number are designed to keep the poor, the homeless and undocumented residents from voting.

I’m voting Democrat because I believe it's wrong for the state to execute murderers. Also, I agree with Democrats that all women have an absolute right to have an abortion at any time. Rethuglicans are such hypocrites to think it's wrong to get rid of a blob of tissue that isn't even human yet, but they're all for executing a full-fledged adult just because the guy may have killed someone. It's crazy.

I’m voting Democrat because I believe Hurricane Katrina was caused by Bush's refusal to act to stop Global Warming. And then Bush made it even worse by not warning Mayor Nagin and the governor of Louisiana that the hurricane was coming! You can't blame the Democratic mayor and governor for not evacuating people if they didn't know.

I believe Bush ordered the National Weather Service not to tell the Mayor and Governor about the coming hurricane because he wanted to make those two Democratic politicians look bad. Boy that sure backfired on him! I also believe people working for Bush or Cheney blew up the levees in the ninth ward of New Orleans.

I’m voting Democrat because I believe our soldiers in Iraq and Afghanistan routinely kill innocent people, on orders from higher-ups. I agree with the late Democrat rep John Murtha that our soldiers are worse than the so-called "terrorists." And of course Senator Reid, the top Democrat in the Senate, said those wars are already lost.

I’m voting Democrat because I'm still mad at the hypocritical Republicans for impeaching President Clinton for getting a b.j. in the Oval Office. After all, the intern was over 21 and was a willing participant. Besides, everyone knows that everybody lies about sex, so it was just so wrong of the Rethuglicans to put President Clinton under oath and ask him questions about sex. I don't think it should be against the law to fudge the truth when the question is about sex.
And being under oath is no big thing. I mean, he almost *had* to lie to avoid hurting the office. Besides, everyone I know says truth is relative.

I’m voting Democrat because Democrats want to protect our public schools. Democrats know that "vouchers" are just a scheme by the Rethuglicans to destroy our great public school system, because they take money away from public schools and give it to goofy "schools" that don't care about kids. And did you know that the teachers those schools hire aren't even in the NEA? Who knows what kind of loony stuff they'd teach our kids!

I’m voting Democrat because Democrats believe that every person in this country--whether a citizen or an "undocumented resident"--deserves a fair share of our country's wealth. I support all Democratic efforts to "spread the wealth" by means of many wonderful government social programs. The only people who object to spreading the wealth are the rich, because they're greedy and don't care about anyone but themselves. That's obvious because if they cared about the poor they would voluntarily pay more taxes than the law requires--like most Hollywood stars do. The Democratic ones.

I’m voting Democrat because President Obama promised to pull all U.S. troops out of Iraq and Afghanistan within a year after taking office. After we leave those countries, the people there won't be angry with us any longer, and we can all live in peace and harmony. After all, the only reason the normally-peaceful Muslim guys did 9-11 was because the U.S. invaded Iraq. No wonder they were mad at us!

I’m voting Democrat because Democrats understand that freedom of speech is NOT an absolute right. Republicans want to be allowed to publish political ads that haven't been approved by the government! That's just wrong. Next they'll be wanting to be allowed to say things that offend or hurt people. How could anyone think we could all get along if people were allowed to say anything they wished? That's just stupid.

In Canada there's a special court just to try people who say things that offend others; I think we need that kind of system here.

I’m voting Democrat because I believe oil-company profits are evil. After all, doesn't the oil under America really belong to all Americans? I agree with Democrats that we need to raise taxes on oil companies, and that this will reduce the price of gas at the pump.
The only people who should be allowed to keep profits are Hollywood stars and entertainers. And of course the President should be able to keep the royalties he makes from sales of his books. He's *such* a great writer!

I’m voting Democrat because Democrats believe we need to end our dependence on foreign oil, and only the Democrats have a sound plan to do that. They have a program that will produce bio-diesel from corn, and that will use solar panels to get hydrogen out of plain water! That *so* cool--and totally non-polluting. And it would only take two or three years to implement if the Republicans would just stop obstructing Democratic legislation.
I'm not a tech geek so I don't know all the little details (I'm a "big picture" guy) but my brother knows this guy where he works who says it's a slam-dunk.
The stupid Rethuglicans think we can solve our problems by *drilling* for oil. What a dumb idea! Oil is *so* 20th century.

I'm voting Democrat because Democrats oppose Rethuglican attempts to increase offshore drilling, and to drill in the Artic Wildlife Reserve. Everyone knows drilling for oil is incredibly messy, so there's no doubt that drilling in either the Arctic or offshore would increase pollution. Also, Democrats know that drilling in either area won't produce any oil for at least ten years--so how can that possibly help solve energy problems?

And even if they managed to produce some oil from either place, it wouldn't reduce high gas prices at the pump. I mean, everyone knows gas prices are set by the oil companies. I don't know why the stupid Rethuglicans believe oil prices have anything to do with weird notions like "supply and demand." The Democrats need to pass a law that lets Congress set the price of oil, instead of the oil companies.

I'm voting Democrat because the Democrats oppose building more nuclear power plants. All Democrats know that nuclear power is incredibly dangerous. One little slip and a whole city could explode, like Hiroshima.

And I support the effort by Democrats to pass a law that will tax all sources of CO2 emissions ("Cap and Trade"). That will cut CO2 pollution and stop Global Warming. Rethuglicans don't even believe America is responsible for Global Warming. How stupid is that?

And finally, I’m voting Democrat because I believe the America dreamed of by Rethuglicans is evil, and only the efforts of rational, clear-thinking, non-religious people--Democrats like me--can make America good again.

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