Next Ice Age was due in 10,000 years, but now scientists it won't come--due to burning carbon fuels

The next ice age was supposed to arrive in 10,000 years, but scientists now say humans burning carbon fuels will prevent it

Sub-head: Yes, Global Warming, but now it's called "climate change" because some parts of the Earth may get colder.  Much bettah.

Astrophysicists at the University of East Anglia have recently discovered that "climate change" (formerly called Global Warming) isn't just due to the "Greenhouse Effect" caused by the deadly pollutant "carbon dioxide" that callous Americans spew into our life-giving atmosphere.  Instead that deadly gas has actually disrupted the 10,000-year natural cycle of the Earth's orbit

For millions of years the Earth has gone through natural cycles of periodic ice ages that enable our climate to support life.  Without these cold periods the Earth would probably be too hot for most forms of life.

But now these live-giving cycles are being destroyed by climate change, caused by humans burning carbon fuels.  All competent scientists agree this is true.  It's been proven beyond doubt.  Incontrovertible and well documented--and is overriding the well-known "Milankovitch cycles" that are related to the Earth's orbit around the sun.

We asked Dr. Penn Sildik at the East Anglia how increasing CO2 could disrupt the Earth's orbit.  He tried to explain but finally gave up.  "It's way too complicated for non-scientists to understand," he said.

This human-made climate change is likely to prevent the next ice age from happening--which would end most life on Earth.

(Footnote: the New York Times stylebook tells reporters and editors what language is appropriate.  Twenty years ago the Times--ever alert to woke trends--ordered journalists to stop using binary-gendered terms like man-made, fireman, mankind and so on.  Thus using "man-made climate change" was no longer acceptable, and would be replaced by "human-made climate change," which we used here.  
   But recently the Association of Wymyn Journalists has complained that when it comes to climate change, reporters and editors should go back to "man-made," to make it clear that women had nothing to do with nations deciding to burn fossil fuels.  
   The AWJ argues that men invented cars and trains and planes and plastic bags and synthetic fibers without asking wymyn if they agreed that those things were good for Gaia (Mother Earth).  So the AWJ has demanded that the Times change its stylebook to reflect that demand.
   Yahoo.com doesn't wish to offend either group, so we'll stay with "human-caused" for now.  But if the Times adopts the AWJ's demand--as expected--we promise to edit all prior articles to ensure that climate change is labeled as being "man-made" instead of "human-made.")

Source.

https://www.yahoo.com/news/next-ice-age-coming-10-150000529.html  

Obv. sarc, but based on an actual article!