Largest hospital chain in Mass stop reporting newborns that test positive for drugs

Compassionate concerned citizen (CCC): "Man, our hospital is seeing more and more babies born with illegal drugs in their blood.  And we know many drugs are extremely harmful to brain development of babies.  This is really bad!"

Democrat:  "What would you suggest?"

CCC:  "State law has required us to test newborns for years now, and if a newborn has drugs in their blood we're required to report it.  But liberal judges never charge the parents, and the media never report the cases, so there's no incentive for drug-addicted women to stop using.  So nothing ever gets better.

Democrat:  "I have an idea that's...um... bettah."

Newzcast three months later:
"Yesterday the largest hospital network in Massachusetts announced that it would no longer report when newborns were found with drugs in their system.  

Spokespyrsyns said the network would stop reporting because reporting drug addiction in newborns had an "unfair effect on some racial minorities that disproportionately suffer from 'substance abuse disorder.'"  As a result, reporting addicted newborns caused "significant racial and ethnic inequities."

Hospital spokespyrsyn LaTreen'h M'laryah said "reporting drugs in newborns "disproportionately affects Black birthing pyrsyns.  While some raaacists will claim it's unfair that some children are born addicted to drugs, all good Democrats know birthing pyrsyns have the right to do whatever they want with their own body, so it's unfair to expect them not to use drugs while pregnant.

A couple of critics noted that state law requires all hospitals to report babies that test positive for drugs, and wondered how the state's largest hospital system—including Massachusetts General, Brigham and Women’s, Newton-Wellesley and Salem Hospital—could just choose not to obey the law.

Hospital spokespyrsyns said "Our Democrat representative said we didn't have to obey that law because it was clearly racist.  Besides, we'll still report any cases to child protective services if the babies "are suffering or at imminent risk of physical or emotional injury."

Someone pretending to be a journalist then asked how the staff would determine if a baby was "suffering or at imminent risk of injury," but hospital execs ended the question period before the spokespyrsyn could answer.

The hospital also announced another important policy change: that from now on staff will only be allowed to test newborns for drugs if they get written permission from "pregnant pyrsyns"—formerly called "women."

These new policies are part of Mass General Brigham's "United Against Racism effort" to fix policies that "may unwittingly perpetuate structural racism.  Cuz ev'rybody know it way better to have drug-addicted newborns than to force birthing pyrsyns suffering from 'substance-abuse disorder' to stop using for up to seven months."

Senior medical director Hillary Wokeman, M.D. gushed over the new policy, saying "Our new policy of not reporting addicted newborns is just the latest step in our continuing efforts to end longstanding inequities in substance-use-disorder care, and to provide compassionate support to families."

Wokeman claimed that if birthing pyrsyns thought they could lose custody of their baby after birth, they might stop seeking treatment for addiction.  When critics asked if they'd be more likely to stop using drugs for a few months if they thought they might lose custody, Wokeman replied "That's silly."

Wokeman also claimed using illegal, addictive and possibly fatal drugs doesn't mean birthing pyrsyns are more likely to abuse or neglect their baby.  "Why would you think that?  That's pure speculation," she said.

In refusing to follow state law Mass General Brigham is following the lead of Boston Medical Center, the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists and the American Society of Addiction Medicine, which all agree that birthing pyrsyns shouldn't be punished in any way for using drugs while pregnant, even if the baby is born addicted.

Wokeman noted that "This policy reflects an emerging consensus, based on sound science, supported by really smart people like Anthony Fauci.  It was developed by a diverse group of our compassionate liberal partners, so you can be assured that it's a great policy, like mandatory vaccination for covid."

N'krume Javarious, M.D., MPH, "chief health equity officer" at Mass General Brigham, claimed the new policy of not reporting addicted babies "will help those in the medical industry understand their contributions to racial inequity and strive to eliminate them."

Wokeman agreed, saying "Temporary addiction in newborns is a small price to pay to eliminate racial inequities and drop barriers to treatment."
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Now:  Do you believe the above piece is parody, or real?  

Take your time, especially if you're a Democrat or "woke." 

Source

https://www.theblaze.com/news/concerns-about-structural-racism-prompt-major-mass-hospital-network-to-change-policies-about-babies-born-addicted-to-drugs