CNN: Americans are causing more hurricanes! Or would be, except for magic!

"Hey citizen, didja know duh Erf iz bein' killed by "fossil fuel pollution"?

Well, actually duh deadly poison gas "carbon dioxide," but close enuf, eh?  So since yew awful Americans keep drivin' your awful gasoline-powered cars, spewing mo' of duh deadly poison into duh air, it always gets hotter, eh?

(Let us quickly note that Hollywood celebrities who fly to Europe five times a year in dere private jets do NOT cause any Global Worming, cuz dere jets is run by electricity!  Or magic pixy dust.  Or unicorn farts, or something that make THOSE fuel-burners NOT produce CO2.  We knows dat cuz if it wudn't true, our beloved stars wudn' fly private jets across duh ocean five times a year, right?  Cuz dat wud make 'em hypo... hippo... some fancy word dat's not in the liberal language.)

So to see how brazenly the Warmies are playin' ya, here's the hair-on-fire Wormies at CNN:

Hurricane Gabrielle has rapidly intensified in warm water in the central Atlantic...becoming the second major hurricane of the 2025 season.

Gabrielle is a category-3 hurricane with 120 mph winds and is expected to get even stronger, potentially reaching category 4 status by Monday afternoon.

Gabrielle’s winds have increased by 55 mph in 24 hours, far exceeding the baseline for rapid intensification, which has become far more common in recent years as the planet warms due to fossil fuel pollution.

"SEE, you climate-denying deplorables?  We at CNN just explicitly told ya this hurricane is: "due to fossil fuel pollution"!  Couldn't be any more clear.  An' we've nevah lied to ya before, right?"

Gabrielle could also cause life-threatening surf along the US East Coast through the early part of this week. 

Even though Gabrielle isn’t a direct threat to land, the storm might have some company in the coming days, as two storms in the Atlantic are being tracked by the National Hurricane Center for potential to become the next named storm.

Now that CNN has scared its dozen viewers into believing death-from-hurricane is imminent, "due to fossil fuel pollution," how about showing us where this monster is, and where it's headed, eh?  Ahh, finally we see a map!  (Not from CNN)

 

Wait...that's over 660 MILES from the nearest U.S. land, AND headed EAST.  For the map-challenged that's away from us, so not even remotely a problem, right? 

Okay, but what about those other two storms, eh?  Doze cud still kill us, cuz of dat awful "fossil fuel pollution," right? 

One is described as "steadily organizing" and has a high chance of becoming a tropical depression or tropical storm later this week. 

September is the traditional peak of the hurricane season and activity often ramps up quickly this time of year.  But this season has had a much slower start than anticipated.  Normally by this date we've had four or five hurricanes, but so far this year there have only been two: Erin and Gabrielle.  Both have been major hurricanes, but Gabrielle’s arrival as one today is also a little late for the second major hurricane. 

Wait...if CO2 is always increasing, which you Warmies claim steadily makes the planet warmer, and that added ocean warmth both causes hurricanes AND makes 'em stronger, you'd think we'd get MORE hurricanes every year, eh?

Wait, I got it: Democrats (Warmies) are gonna say duh Russians have been using a big machine to suppress hurricane formation, and now are gonna threaten to turn the suppression machine OFF unless Trump removes all sanctions on Russia's economy.  So we would have had more hurricanes dis year except fo' duh Russians using their weather-control weapons to temporarily prevent it.  Yeh, dat's it!!! 

https://lite.cnn.com/2025/09/21/weather/hurricane-gabrielle