Official state of California report on the cause of the LA fires!

After months of painstaking investigation governor Newsom's adminstration has completed its report on the cause of the hugely destructive LA fires.

You may have heard the rumor that the fires in Los Angeles were caused by homeless pyrsyns, or undocumented Americans.  This is false.  Someone posted a video of a homeless woman appearing to light a pile of trash on fire, but the video is probably a "cheap fake," which is always the case when a video seems to show something that would cut against Dem policies.
   So Newsom's expert report says the fires were actually started by unusual winds blowing off the desert.

Some right-wing nutjobs claim these winds have happened forever, but the state's experts found they really only started happening about five years ago, after Donald Trump allowed companies to begin drilling for oil in the pristine ocean waters. 

As all good Americans--liberal Democrats, obviously--well know, drilling causes earthquakes, which in turn have caused the continents to drift, changing all the weather patterns.  So now these hot, dry winds come off the desert every year, at totally unpredictable times, so no one can plan for 'em.  Inevitably they pick up an ember from an illegal Boy Scout campfire in the desert, which lands in a canyon in LA and starts a huge fire.

This is why Joe Biden--surely the smartest, most experienced president in our history--outlawed all drilling on a million square miles of offshore waters.  Ending offshore drilling will make the continents stop moving, and possibly even to move back to their original positions so there won't be anymore awful, fire-causing desert winds.

So SEE, citizen?  Duh LA fires were caused by eeeebil oil companies drilling offshore!

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(Surely everyone recognizes all the above was sarcasm?)