Intercepted: Dem strategy letter from The Speaker

From: Speaker Pelosi
To: Members of our Party--eyes only; do not copy!
Subject:  Leadership strategy for November

1.  Like all good Americans we were delighted with our president's order that every American who worked for a company with 100 or more employees had to take the safe, effective vaccine or be fired, but some of you were concerned by the resistance to that reasonable order.  Fortunately focus-groups show that our campaign to get voters to blame the unvaccinated--i.e. conservatives--for all new Covid-19 deaths and cases is working well.  So when you return home for the winter recess, help our president, by blaming the unvaccinated in every speech.
    Blaming the vaccine-hesitant is also a good tactic if someone complains that they still have to wear a mask outside even though they've been vaccinated.  A line that tests well is "Yes, we're all angry about that.  Unfortunately we have to wear masks because a few science-deniers still refuse to take the vaccine.  If everyone got vaccinated we wouldn't have to wear masks."

2.  Parents at school board meetings:  We were concerned for a few days by some bad optics, but our media friends have really helped by repeatedly showing the most-obnoxious, stupid parents whining about wanting to have some sort of input to what schools teach.  Yes, that's crazy.  In any case, Terry McAuliffe helped by trashing that idea, and the Post published a piece doing the same, so we think that issue won't hurt us.  And of course with the winter holidays we can expect almost every voter to forget the issue by year-end, just as they've forgotten about Afghanistan.

3.  State legislators introducing measures to reduce vote fraud:  Thanks to my leadership we were ready for this.  With the help of our Media allies we've portrayed all such measures as really being pushed by Republicans and designed to suppress the minority vote.  Our focus groups show this tests very well.  I'm proud to report that no state has managed to pass any effective measures to reduce fraud.  So in your speeches back home during the winter recess, continue to stress that all such measures are actually efforts by Republicans to suppress minority votes.  Our focus groups show that's a huge winner.

4.  Some members have asked how we can counter our opponents' claims that inflation is happening, caused by the administration printing too much cash.  Our focus groups have shown two strategies work:  First, just claim "inflation is no worse than the historic average."  This works because no one has any idea what the "historic average" for inflation is; and frankly, few young voters even know what inflation is, let alone what causes it.
   The second strategy is to blame higher shipping costs.  Our media allies have helped by doing hundreds of stories on "supply-chain problems" and the resulting higher shipping costs, so your listeners will find this convincing.  Don't use our normal go-to excuse of "OPEC keeps raising the price of oil" since a few voters may recall the president cancelling some dangerous oil pipeline on his first day in office.  Obviously we don't want that.  

5.  Some of our members are concerned that Republicans are warning voters about scary effects of cities firing employees who refuse to be vaccinated.  The GOP focus has been on police, firefighters, nurses, airline pilots and so on.  Don't worry, several lines to counter this have tested very well in focus-groups:  One is to claim cities can easily replace the refuseniks, because so many people in every profession are now looking for work now that the economy has started to recover from the Trump disasters.  (No one will know what those might have been.)
   You can also claim the airlines can easily replace pilots because so many pilots are leaving the Air Force right now.  (Just remember to NOT say they're being discharged because they refused the vaccine.)

6.  Hearings on the January 6th insurrection:  After our opponents grilled our attorney-general about whether some of the rioters were actually undercover federal agents, some of you have expressed concern that if we hold hearings that information might reach voters.  Let me assure you that our committee chairs have all been briefed on this, and will refuse to allow any questions along those lines, on the grounds that "We can't comment on an ongoing investigation" or "We can't discuss this because of national security concerns, but we'd be glad to take this up in closed hearings."

7.  Finally, if meetings back home get difficult, we have a bill that will be strongly supported by all voters:  We're hearing reports that chairs have collapsed when some of our larger supporters sit on them.  Selling chairs that can't support "robust" Americans  is unconscionable-- a hate-crime!  Our bill, the "Americans for Fair Chairs Act, will prevent these hate-crimes from happening, by requiring all chairs sold in the U.S. to be able to support at least 700 pounds.  The extra cost is trivial compared to the emotional well-being of gravity-challenged Americans.
  

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For the satire-challenged, the above may not actually be Dem strategy.