From: Senate majority leader. To: All Democrat senators

Spoof bills by the Democrats:

From: Chuck Schumer
   To: Our party members

The recent unexpected unpleasant result of 11/5 makes it more important than ever to get crucial bills passed while we still control Congress.  Fortunately there's still time to get some great measures passed before the insurrectionist takes office.  
  Here are the bills we plan to introduce before the end of the year, while we still control the senate and the White House, and effectively control the House with the help of our Republican "friends."

1. Because "climate change" is the most severe threat humanity faces, we will introduce a bill to cut 5 million tons of CO2 emissions per year, by ordering that cities with fewer than a million residents turn off their street lights after 10 pm.
  Currently street lights are on all night.  But in smaller, unsophisticated cities amost no one is out after 10pm.  And over half of all Americans live in cities with under a million residents.  By ordering street lights in those cities to be turned off at 10 pm we can instantly cut CO2 emissions by 5 million tons per year!
  If our Republican enemies block this vital bill to save the Earth, president Biden has said he'll issue an Executive Order to mandate it.

2. In the last 3 years the Supreme Court has issued several "opinions" that blocked EPA policies we wanted.  We must not allow the court to oppose us again.  
   Accordingly, we will introduce two competing bills: one would abolish the supreme court, replacing it with 18 new justices chosen by the president--with senate confirmation, of course.
   The other bill would leave the current justices in place but would increase the number from the current nine to 27, with the 18 added judges all appointed by president biden.  Legal experts say congress has the power to do either one.  
   We plan to introduce the bill to abolish the court first, knowing it won't pass. That will allow our members to tell their constituents they "voted to save the Supreme Court."  Then we'll introduce the second, which will pass because it's so much more reasonable.  President Biden is eager to sign that bill even if it's the morning of inauguration day.

3. A bill declaring climate change a "permanent national emergency."  This will give Congress the power to impose taxes on oil, gas and coal under "reconciliation" rules, which as you know allow laws to be devised by six select members of each body in secret.  We can attach this provision to any bill, such as a continuing resolution to keep the government open.
  This will give us huge powers since our opponents will never be able find enough votes to repeal it.

4. We'll use the same approach--declaring a permanent national emergency--to enact the mandatory gun buyback program we've wanted to pass for years.

5. We've had great success getting the courts to overturn state laws requiring photo ID to vote.  Unfortunately some states are introducing photo-ID laws cleverly written to overcome the arguments Democrat judges have used to overturn such laws in the past.  So our new bill will declare that photo-ID laws will be illegal regardless of how they're written.
   The rationale will be that such laws always produce a "racially disparate outcome" that discourages minority voters.    The courts have long ruled that a "disparate outcome" is unconstitutional.  This should overturn any remaining photo-ID laws and prevent any new ones from being passed by the states.
   This is critical because our party won every state except one that *didn't* have photo-ID laws, while the nasty GOP won all but one that DID have photo-ID laws.
   So eliminating all such laws should guarantee that we win future national elections.

Yours in power,
 Chuck