Ten court-ordered Changes to Make Christianity More Politically Correct and "Inclusive"

Liberal judges have been attacking Christianity for years, claiming it's...um..."not inclusive enough."

Really?  Well, that's their complaint, and they have the Power, so...how do ordinary people impeach a federal judge, eh?

So below are the top ten orders to change Christianity to make it more...inclusive:

10. All Christian "fish" logos must be certified by the EPA as dolphin-safe.

9. Key lyric of Norman Greenbaum's hippie-Christian anthem Spirit in the Sky changed from "I've got a friend in Jesus" to less-divisive "I've got a friend in Walter."

8. Good Friday officially renamed "Passable Friday;" Ash Wednesday officially renamed "the Day Before Thursday"

7. Signs reading "John 3:16" outlawed at sporting events.  Instead, spectators wanting to show their spiritual beliefs will be permitted to substitute oversized foam fingers bearing the slogan "We're #1." 

6. Student Christian organizations ordered to accept as members those who don't, in fact, actually believe in Christ.  That is, requiring members to believe in Christ is ruled discriminatory.  Instead, student organizations and churches must offer alternative methods of qualification, such as "celebrating the magical joy of a baby's smile" or "just sitting in the park, thinking about Nature 'n shit"

5. Judge orders Christ's words modified to make them less "harsh" and "hostile" to non-believers; "I am the Way and the Truth and the Light" changed to "I am the Way and the Truth and the Light if you believe in that kind of thing, and assuming that's your bag"

4. By judicial ruling, Christian Heaven becomes history's first open-enrollment paradise; no particular belief system is required for entry, but applicants must have either a high-school diploma or eight weeks of N.E.A.-approved adult education (in cooking, basic automotive maintenance, or modern Spanish flamenco guitar)

3. The popular name "Christopher" --Latin for "Christ-Bearer" -- is declared intolerant and offensive; by court order, all men named Christopher have their first names immediately changed to "Mitch" (also acceptable: Walter; see Number 9 above)

2. New Testament rewritten to delete references to Caiaphas and other Jewish priests; henceforth, Christ is accused of blasphemy by Hans Gruber and the German mercenaries from Die Hard

...and the Number One Mandated Change to Make Christianity More Politically-Correct and "Inclusive"...

1. Christian Trinity officially changed from Father, Son, and Holy Spirit to Easter Bunny, Santie Clause, and the Ghost of Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. (a.k.a., "The Spirit of Diversity")

H/T Ace of Spades.