What's the difference between Liberals and children?

Ever watch one ten-year old explain to another how something works?

It's a hoot, because a lot of the time they're utterly, laughably wrong, but they "explain" the thing with such conviction and sincerity that you can't help but laugh.

Adults are much the same:  How many times have you heard a liberal, Democrat, socialist or "progressive" claim--apparently completely seriously--any of the following?

--"Massive federal deficits don't matter."

--"Islam really really really is 'the religion of peace,' and if only we'd stop doing...X...then Muslims would stop trying to kill the folks they call 'infidels'."

--"Capitalism and corporations are eeeevil, and if we'd all just pay more taxes and stop trying to sell things to other people, most of our problems would be solved."

--"If the government would just give more money to the poor, crime and drug use would disappear."

--"If we'd just stop spending money on the military, other countries would do the same and we could all spend former defense dollars on something useful."

--"If the government would just give free health care to every citizen, the cost of health care would drop for everyone."

--"If we just paid teachers a decent salary, and had modern school buildings, and unbiased textbooks, and...and...and...then the dropout rate and gang membership would drop to almost zero;"

--"Social Security is NOT going broke.  That's just a scare-story pushed by Rethuglicans.  It doesn't need "fixing" or changing to keep it solvent;"

--"What difference does it make if Iran builds an atomic bomb?  After all, they'd never actually, you know, use it or anything. Because, after all, they're really no different than we are."

--"If we would just close that awful, awful prison at Guantanamo, Muslims would stop trying to kill Americans;"

--"It's no problem that Barack didn't close Gitmo right after his inauguration as he promised, because it's actually a comfortable place and all the inmates are eating three good, Islamic-approved meals a day and playing soccer and volleyball.  And of course we've known that all along and you can't prove any of us ever actually said Gitmo was horrible or demanded that awful Booosh person close it!"

--"There's no problem with vote fraud in U.S. elections, and it's just a coincidence that Dems have won every close election in the last 30 years.  People just like our policies better!"

--"States shouldn't be allowed to require a photo ID to vote, because that would impose a horrible, unconscionable hardship on minorities--a clear violation of their human rights.  Besides, there's no vote fraud in the U.S.  Those Acorn people who registered "Mickey Mouse" to vote were just playing around."

--"We're absolutely fine with making everyone from 90-year-old grandmothers to six-year-olds show photo ID to get on an airplane, because we need to be sure that air travel is safe.  Besides, the alternative would be racial profiling--which would violate human rights of Muslims;"

--"The people who hijacked those planes and crashed them into those two buildings in New York did that because Bush had invaded Iraq and our troops were killing literally millions of their kids and wives!"

--"Those two buildings in New York weren't brought down by the planes that flew into them, but by explosives planted by government agents on the orders of George Bush.  We know that's true because fire can't melt steel!   We Dems know that because Rosie O'Donnell said it on her national TV show, and there's an FCC rule that says the networks can't let something go out on national television if it's not true."

--"The economy has been absolutely booming in the last few months--a roaring recovery--and unemployment is way, way down.  And when Republicans claim the only reason unemployment is down is because 11 million people who have lost their jobs are no longer being counted as unemployed because they're no longer looking for work, it's just because they're raaaacist and devisive.  Because they hate the idea that a black man is president;"

--"Cash for Clunkers" was a great idea that resulted in a huge increase in new-car sales.  Republicans who claim it was unconstitutional, or that it merely shifted sales a couple of months earlier than they would have occurred anyway, are just raaacists. Besides, the "commerce clause" gives the president the responsibility to control all commerce in the U.S."

--"Barack's $60-Billion bailout of GM was a great idea.  It saved all those jobs!  People who claim it was unconstitutional are just troublemakers.  Besides, anything the president does is legal by definition, since the president is the highest officer in the country."

--"It's perfectly okay to make a 'recess appointment' even if the senate says it's NOT in recess, because only a Democratic president can determine when the senate is actually in recess.  Besides, that's how the president of Venezuela does it;"

--"It's perfectly okay for a Democrat president to ignore minor laws--like those concerning bankruptcy, or committing American troops overseas without getting congressional approval--because the president has the power to decide which laws need to be obeyed. That's right in the Constitution!;"

--"It's perfectly okay for the Attorney General of the U.S. to let people in the U.S. buy guns and send them to Mexican drug gangs, because the A.G. and the president  decide which laws need to be obeyed;"

--"It's perfectly okay for Barack and the Democrats to make taxpayers subsidize that wonderful Gaia-friendly, global-warming-preventing miracle car--the Chevy Volt--by $7500 per car, because every smart person in the world knows that electric cars help slow global worming.  That small subsidy is needed because without it, not enough people would buy the car.  If something's necessary, that makes it legal.  Besides, Barack is just protecting the taxpayers' $60-billion "investment" in GM;"

--"It's perfectly normal for a presidential candidate to refuse to release any of his college records, because his college grades and the courses he took are none of the public's business. Unless, of course, you're talking about a Republican."

--"No one should be a bit concerned that a recent presidential candidate had five Social Security numbers associated with his name.  After all, that's happened to several people I know.  And the same reasoning applies if the candidate is now using a SSN from a state he never set foot in before taking office, because...well, sometimes those hard-working people at the Social Security office make a mistake.  That's perfectly normal."

--"Barack was right to have the EPA issue regulations that will force dozens of coal-fired electric powerplants to shut down.  Claims by utility execs that this will cause the price of electricity to nearly triple are just scare stories, because everyone knows the laws of supply and demand don't apply to things like electricity;"

--"Barack was right to deny drilling permits in the Gulf of Mexico after the BP spill, because drilling is a dirty business and we ought to discourage it.  When Rethuglicans claim that Barack's refusal to allow drilling in most coastal waters around the U.S. will cause the price of gas to soar to over $4 per gallon it's just because they hate Mother Earth.  Besides, the laws of supply and demand don't apply to oil and gas;"

--"Tim Geithner was the absolute best person available to be Secretary of the Treasury, and his little oopsie on his personal income tax isn't worth mentioning, because, hey, everyone makes mistakes.  In fact, his little mistake was so trivial you probably didn't even hear about it until just now."

--"It's perfectly normal for the government to make billion-dollar "loan guarantees" to wonderful "green" companies like Solyndra.  After all, if the government didn't invest in startup companies, who would?  It's just bad luck that a dozen of the companies the government gave taxpayer-guaranteed loans to ended up going broke.  And it's simply coincidence that all those companies were connected to major Obama donors;"

--"Anyone who doesn't believe humans are causing global warming is a right-wing nut paid by the Koch brothers.  If someone tells you that a huge number of scientific facts weigh against AGW, don't ask to see their proof--no one can understand stuff like that unless you have a degree in global warming--but instead demand that they tell you what oil company is paying them to be divisive and raaaaaaacist!;"

--"Every woman has a right to free contraception.  It's a basic human right, written right in the Constitution, where it says "everyone is endowed by government with certain unalienable rights."  That means everyone on earth has those rights even if they're not U.S. citizens.  Oh, and if you hear Rethuglicans say there's really no such thing as "free," that everything has to be paid for by someone, don't you believe it.  After all, if you don't have to pay for something, it's "free," right?"  I mean, that's a definition!  Duh!

--"We need to make it easier for people to vote.  So states shouldn't be allowed to pass any law that would force people to show identification before voting."

--"If we just banned guns, crime would practically disappear.  After all, Britain banned almost all handguns years ago, and they hardly have any crime at all!";

This list could go on for several pages. In any case, the next time you hear one of these claims from a liberal, think of an oh-so-serious ten-year-old trying to explain sex or isotope separation or neurochemistry or the European Union to one of his friends.

It'll help put the whole charade in perspective. Really.

Eh, that was a weak wrap. Let me try again:

Far too many Liberals, "progressives" and Democrats seem to be idiots, because they constantly say wacked-out crap like all of the statements listed above--the falsity of which should be self-evident to a clever 12-year-old. (For starters, obviously none of the "It's right there in the Constitution" statements are true.)

This is not to say that conservatives don't sometimes make stupid statements of their own--and if you're a liberal/Dem/prog I welcome any submissions citing dumb things conservatives have said.

And no, Meghan McCain doesn't count as a conservative.